How To Build Professional Relationships That Will Help You Throughout Your Career
Nobody likes networking.
Still, people visit meetups, trade fairs, and parties, and for good reason: If you are skilled in your profession, you may have the opportunity to get a good job, but you need people to seize it. People can get you hired, recommend you, and hook you up with other opportunities. Knowing the right person is the greatest leverage in the 21st century.
If you're not skilled at networking, however, you can visit as many events as you want. You won't get ahead.
Luckily, there are a few simple tips to level up your chops.
You Need Friends, Not Contacts
Merely knowing someone isn't enough.
People don't help someone they barely know (unless they expect something in return). But they go out of their way to and love to help friends.
This is the big thing to understand: it's not who you know; it's who you know well. I can trace back every good opportunity I have had to a small set of friends, not contacts. And those friends kept on giving; they recommended me not only once but repeatedly.
But how do you turn a contact into a friend?
Veer Off the Professional Chatter
Small talk can open a conversation, but it can't build relationships.
The truth is, people are tired of professional small talk ("Oh you know XYZ as well? So you have worked with XYZ, right?"), especially on networking events. Talking about something different is a breath of fresh air. If you change the topic and talk about your last vacation, describe a Netflix series, or share a funny story about your dog, people's eyes will light up.
Once you're off the small talk, you're really starting to get to know each other.
Be Honest and Share Personal Details
Trust is the essential ingredient for substantial relationships.
But, for someone to trust you, you must first display trust in them. The best way to do this is to share something personal, an opinion, a feeling, a fear—something you wouldn't usually tell someone you just met. I'm not telling you to be manipulative: Don't lie, but offer an actual advance in trust.
The other person will sense your trust and reciprocate.
When You're at an Event, talk to People for Longer
Networking events can be overwhelming.
During such events, everybody chases the best connections. As a result, people barely pay attention during conversations. Their eyes keep scanning the room, they don't listen, and they occasionally even leave to greet somebody in the middle of your sentence. You won't have good conversations if you act like this.
Instead, whenever you're chatting to somebody, fully commit. You've chosen to engage in that conversation; therefore, it's the most important conversation in the room.
This, too, will rejuvenate the other person and open the door for meaningful relationships.
In addition, a nice tip to try: Once you're chatting to someone, disallow yourself to leave before the other person does. You'll be surprised by what that does to your conversations. If you're scared of missing out on meeting other people, remember that one deep relationship will beat a hundred shallow ones.